Thinking in the Plane: The Shapes and Shades of Loneliness

Cathect:

To invest emotion or feeling in an idea, object or person.


As a child I remember mornings used to hit me like a train. My body quivered and I solidified somewhere inside that tremble, which was cruel and cold against my veins and tissues. Everyday, in repeat, I realized that I was alone, unequivocally and irreversibly alone. I was convinced my life was some sort of experiment in seclusion torture.

Recently I flew to the city - inside the plane, although we were traversing hundreds of kilometers in matter of seconds, it rather seemed as if we were floating above the unknown yet spectacular panorama in slow motion.  The clouds looked so innocent, as if jumping over them would mean comfort and solace instead of a deathly free fall inside a condensed tempestuous high-voltage sack - the mountain peaks were so close I felt the freeze of the snow which had covered them, the Sun was stark in its glow, tinting the lakes and rivers below as liquid mercury. And in the horizon a wide blue ocean invited me to jump. I spent a while inside thinking, attempting to stop my mind from foreseeing all the catastrophic potential narratives which could lie in the halting future, scenarios thoroughly out of my control. The fortune of the plane - and my own fate with it - were hermetically sealed. I’ve been through so much butchery in my life that I figured out in that very moment that it isn’t dying what I fear…  It’s suffering. 

While contemplating about it, I realized the plane was isolated, somewhere unfamiliar above the sky and that, at some degree or another everyone inside of it and below it was too. Regardless of the culture, the age or the gender. Everyone I had ever met seemed to own the feeling of loneliness to a varying extent. Is loneliness an individual sickness, or is it societal condition? 

Does loneliness cause disconnection? And is every crime ever committed a consequence it? A result of the person committing it realizing him or herself segregated from those they perpetrated the outrage against? Is loneliness the single most dangerous thing on Earth?



Ava